over my head?

i know i'm not dumb. actually, i consider myself fairly smart, most of the time. but for some reason i'm looking at the tasks ahead for school and i am FREAKING out. i don't know how to start. it's been ten years since i graduated with my undergrad degree. school started last night and i spent about 2.5 hours working on it. i don't feel like i really even got anywhere. i have a discussion post to make by wednesday. i've read the material and am at a loss of what to write. grrr.

i'm hoping this is just a bumpy start and not an indication that this school thing is going to be too much for me...

eeeek!

school starts today. i am nervous.

exhaustion

eek! i am SO tired today. the bf has been home at midnight or after every single night this week. this means i don't get to sleep until even later than usual. or, i sleep crappy until he gets home. today i am dragging badly enough that i strongly considered fashioning myself into a position for "secret" sleep at my desk.

the dreary, rainy weather just makes everything worse. i had to sneak away to grab a coffee a little bit ago just to try and make it through this morning! so far my plan is to go home and take a nap over lunch, but we'll see what happens with the coffee. maybe it will work miracles?

me, myself and i and i and i and i....

hi there, it's me. we've known each other for a while now, so i thought maybe it's time i introduce you to some of my relatives....




Meet my cousin, Schnozeretta:






And my sister, Rapunzellena:






My other cousin, Bansheeta:







My second cousin, Egorina:





And my half sister, Dwarfetta:




gorgeous, aren't they?!?!?

ouch.

i had big plans for tonight after work:

go home, let out dog.
grocery shopping.
hair cut.
laundry.
work out.

all that came to a screeching halt when my car door decided to bite me in the head when i got out to check the mail:



it might now look so bad here, but the damn thing was the size of half a golf ball:


so i rigged up this handy system so i can walk around the house without holding an ice pack to my head:


even so, i'm afraid this is going to be the permanent result of my injury:

countdown

today marks one week until i begin working on my mba.  i've already read the first chapter of my first course book because, well...i'm crazy like that.  

thank you, mr. marlboro man, thank you.

i'm not sure what it is.  is it aging?  karma?  my past smoking habit?  God's idea of a little joke? what the H am i talking about? well, just you let me explain...

my lungs hiss.  i first noticed this several months ago when i was doing a particular new exercise video.  it basically required "standing" sit ups.  you put your hands behind your head and bend from side to side.  it was then that i first heard the hissing sound leaking out of my mouth.  it wasn't so much a wheezing sound as an odd hiss.  further into the video i got, i realized that anything requiring me to bend from side to side produced the same odd sound. that's about all it was though, an odd sound.  i didn't really feel any different, but it did freak me out.  i eventually got out of the exercise habit because of a little thing called winter.  there was no hissing.

i started doing my regular strength training video again a couple of weeks ago.  there are a few moves that are creating that same hissing sound.  this never used to happen during this exercise.  the video doesn't require a lot of aerobic activity, but anything working my chest makes that horrible sound.

a couple of days ago i started throwing in a cardio workout in addition to the strength training. the harder i work the more i am hearing "the sound".  my lungs seem like they burn more than usual, but i'm not sure if that's because of something medical or just because i am out of shape from the long winter.  i can take deep breaths and not hear it at all.  it's just particular exercise moves that make it happen.

my question is, wtf is this?  have i developed asthma in my old age?  it doesn't seem like asthma.  i mean, i'm definitely not having an "attack" like i've seen and heard from asthmatic people i know.  do i have effing emphysema due to my past smoking habit?  (i quit over two years ago but smoked from age 17 to age 29.  eek.)  still, seems like i'm too young for that yet.  

i'm baffled.  i suppose i should haul my butt in to the doctor.  but  i also have this weird thing about not wanting to go in until my weight is down a few more pounds.  i am currently 10 pounds away from my ideal and about 5 from my "i can deal with it" weight.  this may not seem like much but it means some of my pants don't fit.  and it will be devastating to see that number on the doctor's scale.  makes is more official, or something.  i'm an extra freak about it ever since i lost the 30ish pounds three years ago.

my question is, has anyone experienced anything like this?  does anyone have asthma?  know anyone who has experienced anything like this?  i'm just not ready for the doctor quite yet...

random thoughts

to the lady in the target aisle yelling at her kids for relentlessly asking for "stuff":

i feel your pain!

to the lady in the target bathroom stall noisily relieving her bowels:

was it really necessary to sigh and groan too?

to the clearly ten years younger waitress at dinner:

calling me sweetie and honey will most definitely not increase your tip.

to the man at the restaurant who slipped me his phone number on the back of a napkin band:

are you serious?

to my very sassy, bratty daughter at dinner tonight:

yes, my threats are often hollow.  but you never know when you might catch me on a bad day. don't test me.

to my darling children:

what kind of kids don't eat french fries?  seriously.  what planet are you from?

to mother nature:

a little sun and warmth for SPRING would be nice, beotch.

to anyone bothering to read this:

that's all i've got.  peace out.

deep thoughts...by jack handy

it might make me a sick individual, but damn do i love me some jack handy quotes!  the daily quote from my facebook page today really cracked me up for some reason:

"i can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate.

and i can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."

so sad, yet so true.

reminder to self: why i have children

while i was tucking my 4 year old son into bed tonight he raised his head quickly and unexpectedly.  it collided with my cheek and hurt like hell!  i grumpily shouted "ouch!" and got up to exit the room.

on my way out i heard a little voice pipe up:

"mom, should i kiss your cheek for you?"

he can definitely make my heart melt, that little boy of mine.  : )

free single of the week...TRISTAN PRETTYMAN!

you must download this free tune:

also, you could just buy the whole damn album for 5.99 on iTunes.  cuz this girl ROCKS!

do it.  because i said so.

i'm in!!!

well, it's official.  i was accepted into the mba program!  lots to do before school starts in LESS THAN TWO WEEKS!  i am nervous, excited, worried...and just generally not quite sure what to expect. 

it's going to be interesting trying to keep up with school along with working full time and being a single parent.  i know i can do it, but i bet the people around me are going to have to hear a bit of grumbling now and then.  ;-P

i guess i just need to keep my eye on the end result, right?  two and a half years from now i will have a master's degree and a giant step closer to my career goals!

just another reason not to shop at wal-mart...

i was forced to wal-mart shop last night.  really, i was.  target was closed.  hy-vee was stocking their shelves and had boxes all over the aisles.  it was late at night, but i needed to get the weeks groceries due to the fact that i procrastinated in shopping for them all weekend long.  so, off to wal-mart i went.

there are many social, moral and yes, i admit, even uppity reasons that i don't generally frequent my local wal-mart store.  i am reminded of these reasons every time i set foot in the door.  the biggest being that i feel so lowly supporting sam walton, a man who may give us low low prices but who also gives his employees matching low low wages and benefits.

i don't know about the store near you, but ours is never clean.  i seriously feel unsanitary buying my food there.  i absolutely refuse to purchase my produce there, if nothing else.  and in keeping with the unsanitary conditions and low low prices, the service naturally is sub par as well.  something inevitably gets left behind every single time i go, despite my best efforts to make sure it doesn't happen.

last night's casualties?  some chocolate chips.  and when i got home and looked at my receipt i saw i had been charged twice for a box of crackers.  i'm not saying mistakes don't happen at other places.  it's just that when they happen every other time i shop in a store...well, the low low prices don't mean a damn thing.

random monday thoughts

1. my child is in the local paper today: http://www.mankatofreepress.com/local/local_story_105010351.html
(bottom picture)

2. i am not ready for the work week. i want to be home laying in bed with my new macbook.

3. it's freezing at my desk.

4. i want some chocolate.

5. i am impatient to hear back from the college i am hoping to get in to for my mba. school starts in 14 days. i need to KNOW!

6. i don't want my new pc with vista at work. i'd gladly take back my slow mac from TOG!

7. i was pretty crabby saturday night, sorry to all who witnessed it.

8. only 7 hours and 45 minutes till quitting time...

do this

say a prayer and send good wishes to this family: www.31ottercourt.blogspot.com.

please.

maybe new to you, but not exactly new...

i am starting a new blog. i say new because i have had several blogs over the last few years, the most recent of which has been anonymous. i made some cool "blog" friends that way, but i posted things on that blog which i didn't want to share with close friends and family. it was a way to get unbiased feedback and advice about things that were going on in my life. it was awesome, but my needs are different now.

i've decided it's time to go "public" with a blog now that more and more people i know are starting blogs too. i am going to copy over some posts from my old blog along with their original dates. some funny stuff about the kids that is fun to read if you have the time and are bored.

everyone loves a poop joke...

gross, but too funny not to share:

i was in the bathroom, minding my own business and getting ready as my 4 year old son was going "potty". when finished, he got up from the toilet, peered inside it and said:

"look mom!"

then:

"it looks like donut balls, but they're really poop balls!"

*giggles manically*

ahhh...the fascination with bowel movements starts in the males young and never really ends, does it?

mba

so, i have decided i am getting my mba. which means i'm pretty much giving up a social life for, oh...the next two and a half years or so. but, the good thing is that i have definitely found my niche career-wise. i have found what excites and motivates me. it's marketing, product management specifically. i love love love it. i have gained a lot of marketing experience over the last few years, and this "new" job is exactly what i've been looking for. but in today's economy, i want to insure that i remain "employable".  and i worry that my bachelor's in social work just isn't going to cut it, not even with my experience. so, i applied to some schools. schools that have reputable online programs. schools that are "brick and mortar" based that happen to have an online mba program. schools where i don't have to list "online degree" on my resume. it doesn't look easy. the admissions process is a pain. but i'm thinking it all might just be worth it. 

also, since i'll be going to school online, i just HAD to purchase this:



and then of course i also needed this:



ahhh...come to me my sweet little mac laptop, i am anxiously awaiting your arrival. ; )

letting go

I thought I had more time for her to be a little girl, but alas, my six year old daughter sat me down this morning to let me know what was on her mind:

"Mom, now that I'm getting bigger and I'm growing up more, I think it's time for me to start picking out my own clothes in the morning."

My immediate thought was: But what if she doesn't match?!!?!? GASP! 

But really, what's a mother to do? I mean, I could hardly argue with her logic. 

My response: (whining)
"Can I tell you if something looks weird together?"

Ky: (very seriously and sternly)
"No."


*Honestly, I knew I was living on borrowed time, I should have been letting her pick out her clothes long ago. But I LIKED dressing her! She's my little GIRL!