every other weekend

it's not very often that i actually have to watch the kids leave for their weekends with their dad. usually he picks them up directly from school on fridays, which is convenient for me and also avoids emotional responses on my part.

in the early days of our divorce, i had a really hard time dropping the kids off at daycare on his fridays, knowing that i wouldn't be seeing them again until sunday night. they were so little then, just 2 and 4. and i hated the thought of not seeing them for two days.

these days it's gotten a little easier. the kids are 5 and 7, and though of course i love them just as much as ever, and there are times when i am frankly quite READY to have a little break from them. sometimes i swear they are purposely extra bratty as their "dad weekends" approach. like it's their way of making it easier on me.

but, this time around, i've been home with sick little kolby for two days. he is doing better this afternoon, and his dad stopped here to pick him up a few minutes ago for their weekend together. and just as soon as they walked out the door the waterworks began! i am sitting here feeling sad and lonely and already missing my boy. :(

so yeah, the one "perk" of divorce is sometimes the worst part. being without the kids for an entire weekend. i guess i should feel lucky that their dad has no real interest in anything beyond every other weekend. it would kill me not to see them for a week at a time, like some parents do, trading out every other week. because as much as they can be a big pain in my tush, there is no way i could live without them for that long!


home sick

i've been home with a sickie the past two days, but haven't really felt compelled to write anything. i think my brain sort of goes to mush when i don't get out and interact enough in the adult world! i can't take the puker anywhere of course, so it's just to two of us chillin on the couch and taking in yet another viewing of "Toy Story 2", his movie of choice for the moment.

now, i should be taking this opportunity to get some things done around the house. the laundry is calling my name, and i can hear it very clearly. the rest of the house could use some tidying as well. and i have bucketloads of homework i need to work on. but somehow, i am absorbing the tendencies of the sickie next to me on the couch and am totally vegging out.

i see that the sun is making an appearance, however brief it may be. hopefully that will snap me out of my funk and into some sort of productive action yet this afternoon!


antisocial tendencies

back in high school, i was all about partying. i was a joker in class, i could be pretty loud and obnoxious at times. i loved being around a crowd of people and lived for parties on the weekends.

in college, this tendency to party waned somewhat, but being part of group activities on the weekends was still a pretty regular part of life. i drank less than most of my friends, but still took part in their shenanigans.

these days, i am reluctant to attend group gatherings. i hate committing to any kind of outing. what usually sounds the best to me is spending time with family or hanging out alone with the bf. no pressure, just pure relaxation and the chance to be nothing but myself. the bf tries to push me to do more things, but honestly i am happy to be somewhat antisocial. but...

when an event comes up and i actually get myself to go, i nearly always have fun. like the outing with my work group a couple of weeks ago. i dragged my feet about going and yet ended up having a blast! or the shower i went to this weekend. i was reluctant to leave the kids and the bf but ended up having a great time laughing with the girls and ooohhhing and aaahhhhing over adorable baby stuff.

note to self: just try it, you'll like it!



last night on the drive home the kids were chattering as usual. for some reason, kyleigh asked me if I had a webkinz (stuffed toy with an internet component, for those who aren't familiar with it) when i was little. i told her no, we didn't even have the internet when i was her age. in great disbelief she replied, WHOA! she then asked me if we had nintendo ds when i was little, to which i also replied no. she then started on a whole list items, which made me realize two things.

1) Life sure has changed a lot since i was younger.
2) Yep, it's official. I am OLD!


well, hell....

when i look back on my big to do list of plans for this week, i can't say i'm not a little disappointed at my progress. (or lack thereof)

i did tackle #2 on the list, and have photographic evidence of that fact:

i should have taken a "before" picture for the full effect, but let's just suffice to say this project took me nearly all day yesterday.

the only other thing i have been able to knock off this list is #9. this one wasn't at the top of my priority list though. ;-P

i have 8 hours left and am hoping to work on #3, #4 and possibly #1. this would be in addition to dusting, vacuuming and scrubbing every room in the house, as well as laundry and possibly steam cleaning the carpets. i know if i get my butt off the couch right this minute and get to work i actually have some hope of accomplishing these tasks. the key is getting my butt off the couch.

also, i bought myself these for motivation:

okay, okay, so now i am off to get shit done!


furlough update

i'm back from rochester. mom's surgery went very well, though the tumor was a bit larger than they originally thought. it ended up being the size of a grapefruit! the surgeons thought it looked benign, but we won't know for sure until the biopsy results come back on monday. keep your fingers crossed that it turns out well!

i am WAY behind on my "to do" list for the week, but i'm very glad i went to spend the day with mom, of course. she was in great spirits and was actually pretty funny hopped up on her narcotic painkillers. mom always has a great sense of humor, and she was funnier than ever when the surgery was over.

the diet plan hasn't been going so well this week either, but i'm keeping up on the exercise as much as possible. i am finding it more difficult to hold to a healthy diet without the routine of work...i imagine when i get back next week it will be easier to stick to a plan.

i have some dreaded accounting homework tonight, and then i'm going to try and tackle something from my list. i plan to work my butt off for the next two days getting as much done as possible before the bf comes home friday night. wish me luck, i'll need it!


change of plans

yesterday i got a phone call that changed my "big plans" for next week. you see, my mom has been really sick for a few months. she can't eat without her body retaliating with excruciating stomach pain. she has missed work a lot, on and off here and there, depending on when her body decides to attack. i saw her last weekend and she looked gaunt and downright haggard. even so, she was in great spirits, as my mom nearly always is. she is one of those very good at "smiling through the pain."

mom has gone to the doctor. the pain was bad enough one night that she went to the emergency room. she suspected it was her gallbladder, which she'd had problems with in the past, but the tests came out okay...so the doctors just scratched their heads and sent her on her way. she was turned down for an appointment to a specialist that her regular doctor referred her to. all the while she was feeling miserable. the rest of us were outraged and angry that the doctors were letting her continue on this way, when there was clearly something very wrong.

finally this week mom was able to meet with her savior. she called yesterday to let me know the results. her gallbladder is in fact diseased and needs to be removed. it is likely the reason for the majority of her symptoms. but along with that, she has a baseball sized tumor near an ovary. they don't know yet whether it is cancerous. she is having surgery on tuesday to have both removed. we will know more about the tumor then.

i am very glad that they finally found out what was wrong. i am very angry that it took them so long and they made her suffer longer than was necessary. i am very terrified that the tumor could be cancerous, since it runs in our family and my mom's brother had it.

tuesday i will be at mayo in rochester, sitting with my stepdad while the surgery takes place. praying that everything goes well and that there is no cancer. mom's parents are 79 and 84, and i'm counting on her to be around for a hell of a lot longer.


big plans

i can't believe next week is my furlough already! the bf is going to be out of town for work, so it's just me and the kids all week. i have a feeling the week will fly by, i have so many plans!

here is a partial list:

1. finish painting the entryway. (for the love of pete, this has been "partially" done for like, a year now. i should post a pic of how awful it looks. maybe i will have to do before/after shots.)

2. clean/organize the pantry. (this seems to be a yearly task. again, i should do before and after pics.)

3. clean/orgainze the kids' rooms. thin out the clothes and toys and donate some. (it's disgraceful how much stuff they have right now, really)

4. clean/organize my bedroom closet. (no pics. seriously, no one should be exposed to this.)

5. list entertainment center on craigslist. (probably take a big loss, but will gain room in the garage.)

6. hang up pictures. (i have been in my house for over two years and the walls are still quite sparse. i have a hard time hanging things because i'm afraid i won't like it, will need to move it, and will then have holes all over the walls. it's an issue, really.)

7. go to the Y every day. (two days are cycling class anyway.)

8. have a fun "playing hooky" day with the kids one day.

9. read the new book the bf bought for me.

10. research and cook healthy meals.

11. hang out at barnes & noble for an hour or two.

12. visit with my baby sis, maybe walk the mall with her a bit.

seriously, this is just a partial list. i'll let you know how it goes!


a new challenge

i bought these over my lunch hour today:
Asics Kayano 15

i am thinking i might use them to do this:

Rock 'n' Roll Las Vegas Marathon/Half Marathon, December 6th 2009

teacher sis and her friend are planning to go. this would be my first marathon experience...i would probably go for the half. makes me nervous thinking about it; what a goal! but if little sis can do it, i can too, right?


no use crying over spilled....coffee?

this morning i awoke feeling extra groggy and tired. I got out of bed and plodded up the stairs to rouse the kids and get their breakfast ready. both kids were curled snug in their beds and seemed just as happy about getting up as i was. after getting their breakfast on the table, i got my morning coffee going and plodded back down the stairs to hop into the shower.

after rushing through my morning hygiene, (we were running a little late) i went back upstairs to pour my coffee into my beloved migo. upon arriving in the kitchen, i noticed that there was coffee and grounds all over the counter. a closer look revealed that i had forgotten to actually place the POT in it's place, thus causing the coffee to brew itself all over the countertop. what a mess! depressed about no morning coffee and running even more far behind, i rounded up the kids and headed out for work and school.

i am hoping this isn't a sign of what my entire day is going to be like...